Monthly Archives: January 2014

Drendast, Part 1: The Big Picture

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My best attempt to track down the original creator of this image came up inconclusive, but there’s a strong chance that credit for this picture goes out to BBC. Or Mother Nature. Or a space agency of one sort or another. Or an artist, you know, like the kind who render images like these for fun. Either way.

I’ve been sitting on a lot of ideas pertaining to the story I’ve been working on called Elyen for a long time now, but in all this time, I’ve hardly shared any of the details publicly. This is my first major disclosure of some of the bits and pieces I’ve got going on so far, starting first with the setting.

Much of Elyen toys with the idea of parallel universes/multiverses. In fact, Elyen is the name of a particular(ly large) multiverse, within which the characters will end up doing a great deal of sight-seeing. At the heart of Elyen is the planet Drendast, serving as a the primary hub between universes.

Drendast is a mega water-planet forged in the ether eons ago. It is absolutely massive. It originally sported no less than 12 super-continent sized landmasses called Subworlds spread evenly across its surface and separated by unfathomable distances of sheer ocean. It is so huge that rather than orbiting around a star, it had three of its very own sun-sized stars orbiting around it, ensuring a perpetual state of day light . 

Had, was the operative word. Around ten thousand years ago or so (according to the few surviving historical records), one of the suns orbiting around Drendast came crashing down, causing massive devastation in its wake. But rather than destroy the planet outright, Drendast happened to be SO huge that it absorbed the worst of the impact without crumbling apart or evaporating away. Many myths abound to this day attempting to explain the cause of the judgement that reigned down from the heavens that fateful day.

Originally, the three suns were Tropreus, Neora and Selah. Now, only Selah and Neora remain.

Originally, Drendast had 12 thriving Subworlds. Now, a full third of them have either been rendered uninhabitable, or were vaporized completely.

Much of the action in the early stages of the story will take place on one of the remaining Subworlds called Sarenalis (Ser`n`AY`liss). Before the Fall of Tropreus, there was never (or very, very seldom?) any night fall. Like on most Subworlds, many of the creatures which evolved there had the benefit of being photovorus (light-eating).

There was certainly enough sunlight to power all of creation indefinitely when all three stars circled the world. However, since the Fall, all life became a struggle. Sarenalis was one of the Subworlds least affected by the Fall since it was located on the complete opposite side of the planet from where the impact took place. Still, great suffering occurred there as much as anywhere else where the night touched.

Once great and peaceful creatures took to predation and killing all in order to survive in the face of scarcity and chaos. Civilization fell into disproportionate states of disarray. Many advances in medicine and technology were lost. Most importantly, the Subworlds, which were once connected to one another by a series of ethereal channels (often mistaken for wormholes by outsiders) called Conduits, were now completely isolated. The oceans between Subworlds were simply too vast to ever cross using most surviving conventional methods of transportation of the day.

Geographic separation began to take its course. At the height of Drendain evolution in the day was a humanoid race known as the Sævanii. Ever since the Fall, the separation between Subworlds forced the original Sævian line to branch out and become distinctly new entities.

Now, nearly ten thousand years following the calamity that Tropreus brought down, the Conduits have slowly begun to repair, re-establishing the links between the remaining Subworlds, but more than that, re-establishing the links between Drendast and the now-wild external multiverse at large. Mighty airships have also begun to make an appearance, slowly replacing reliance on the Conduits as the only way to get around the planet.

Many creatures have begun to adapt to the new nightfall conditions, even making sense of the star-and-constallation-filled night skies for the first time in all recorded Drendain history. New ecological niches have begun to mature. Balance and vitality were slowly being restored to the planet.

However, a new element began to materialize in the natural world still very much under-repair: Ambition. Can the devastated people of Drendast survive this strange new drive emerging from among them to carve out a competitive way of life for themselves so soon after their world was nearly destroyed?

I Saw A Movie Once

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In all honesty, I was just in a weird mood when I decided I wanted to write this entry the other night. Then, I got sitting on it, distracted by other things. Now, it’s so far removed from the original motivation that I’m not sure what to say here. I owe it to myself to say something regardless. I need to keep the writing practice up, after all.

I suppose I can still reflect on what started this: the movie Detachment. If you’ve never seen it, I don’t recommend it if you’re easily depressed. For anyone who’s seen and/or perhaps maybe even enjoy the movie Requiem for a Dream, this might just be right up your alley. Either way, it’s a slow and dreary showcase of what I take to be the failing of the modern public education system in certain parts of the States.

At least, that’s the backdrop.

The more significant message I got out of it was how different degrees of emotional investment result in differing levels of emotional burning out in a place where the overall surrounding culture fails to support itself (sucks and drains rather than contributes). The main character became the favourite teacher of many students who otherwise couldn’t give an ounce of respect for the other teachers. But he was only a sub. He wasn’t a permanent fixture.

I can relate to certain aspects portrayed by the main character (who’s name I can’t remember. Huh… Well, it’s not like this is a right proper review anyways), but I’m not sure they’re really the best traits to relate to. Detachment, as far as I was able to tell, was mostly about exactly what it says.

‘Detachment’, from the root word ‘detached’: “impartial or objective; disinterested; unbiased: a detached judgment.”

Words that freely associate with ‘detachment’ in my mind include ‘stoic’, ‘indifference’, ‘apathetic’, ‘controlled’, ‘sociopathic’ (minus the criminal/dangerous elements), and even ‘ataraxia’.

I like ‘ataraxia’ in particular: “a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquillity.” Not that the movie Detachment really showcases much of any of that, but still…

Actually, come to think of it, it exhibits a whole lot of the exact opposite of ataraxia in that sense. Even the main character, the good teacher who breaks down the walls preventing his students from learning some hard-hitting truths about life is constantly shown reflecting back on an earlier childhood trauma. He is not free of his own demons and torments, but still, somehow, more so than almost everyone else, he seems to be able to keep it together.

How? Why?

How is it that he can be just as messed up as everyone else but still make a massive, positive difference while even still never investing himself 110% into what he’s doing?

It’s almost like the world’s inability to hurt him any more is what gives him strength. His mind may not be one filled with bliss and happiness, but he knows how to separate his problems from what he’s prepared to give to, share with and do for others. Most of the time, he’s just doing the bare minimum of what’s expected of him. Not in a laziness sense, but it’s clear that he doesn’t volunteer at soup kitchens or community centres or charities, etc. which one might expect from a more heroic ‘real person’ protagonist. He mostly just does what’s expected and little else.

But, for what it’s worth, he does it well.

Then, situations come along, ones where there’s an opportunity to help in some way that goes just that little bit above and beyond. Those same situations are also ones where he has every right in the world to simply do nothing, turn around and walk away. And sometimes, he does. But if this movie had any redeeming quality, it was that as awful as many of the other circumstances going on around him and the other students and teachers were, and as much as he may have been entitled to shelter himself from that kind of harshness that reality can serve up all too often, he doesn’t always.

His efforts for standing up, sticking his head out and trying to do the right thing in those few crucial situations are rewarded in mixed ways. Some efforts wind up biting him very hard in the ass. Others create meaningful situations which bring an immensely greater good out of the darkness that existed before. That, to me, is a realistic portrayal of life.

It also tells me that, for the ways in which I feel I can relate, I’m not beyond hope. I can still make a positive difference, even if I can’t engage with every situation that requires someone to care. I’d go mad if I tried to fill the needs of as many others out there as there appears to be on my limited reserves of practical, hands-on compassion. I’m more suited to be an enabler for those with greater compassion than I have. Still, I have much learning and growing to do.

Either way, it’s true that if enough people come together and contribute whatever little bits they can towards a greater good, miracles can happen. However, sometimes, it’s just really, really nice to see a life completely transformed for the better by more personal and individual acts of kindness as well. Sometimes, those of us who want to make a positive mark on this world need to see, with our own eyes, the fruits of our efforts. It helps keep a fire of hope alive that this world really can be made into an even better place for all of us.

Split Focus

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So I had idea of what it might be like to have multiple personalities earlier. My guess is that most people will stop reading now. If not, just keep in mind that I’m not meaning to offend anyone for whom this might be a sensitive issue.

Earlier this afternoon, I was playing a song on guitar, and I noticed something: I moved around, mentally. It was as though I wasn’t alone. I mean, I never felt what I would describe as another presence in the room, per se, at least not physically, but for a little while there, it did seem as though I adopted the perspective of someone else, someone who wasn’t ‘me’ (at least not in a way that I could recognize), but yet someone whom I was definitely immersed with.

This ‘not me’… ‘person’… I didn’t sense them exterior to myself. As I was playing guitar and doing the best I could not to sound like crap singing along, I started paying extra close attention to what I was doing. Some time had passed. I was barely conscious of the fact that I had been talking through my thought process out loud to myself. From the voice/perspective of what I can only describe as a bonafide music teacher.

Memorize that picking pattern. Start over. Do it till you get it right. Slow it down if you need to. Now keep doing it right. Again. Again. Again. Good.

You’re slouching. Support your voice, from the diaphragm.

Feel the dynamics, don’t just play them.

Quit it. You think you’ll have time to stop and burp if this were live in front of an audience? Either disguise it or wait.

Listen. You hearing that? That’s what this part of the song is supposed to sound like! Keep it up.

So, a mix bag of tips and pointers, complements and constructive criticism, all of which I learned from my teachers from high school and college. Seems like I’m just regurgitating information, right? I’m not so sure. It felt an awful lot like I was both myself saying the things that I know that I already knew AND I was someone else, someone who was hearing all of it as though for the first time in either a very long time, or perhaps even just for the first time, ever.

Logically, I know I wasn’t ‘hearing’ anything, let alone anything new, but it sure as hell felt like I was.

Maybe I just have an over active imagination, which would usually be a good thing, being an aspiring writer as well and all, but in this case, when I ‘realized’ this seeming split was taking place, there was difficulty ‘disengaging’ from it. When I felt like I was wholly back into my own head space, it was almost like breaking a spell, snapping out of it.

I’m not claiming to have multiple personalities, or to know the first thing about what it’d be like through the eyes of someone who does. What little I know about the topic comes mostly from tv, so… I know essentially nothing, in other words. This little ‘episode’ could have been any number of things (petit mal epilepsy?), but it did get me thinking: What if it were possible to adopt/permit the presence of additional personalities by choice? Would we? Should we?

My default attitude would largely have been “hell no!” Too much at risk. What if an unwanted second-party internal personality became dominant and unrelenting? Could we ever trust a source guaranteeing that that could never happen? Who’d be willing to be a guinea pig? Maybe a neurological ‘sandbox’ environment would allow a safe, mental buffer space with which to experiment, but is anything really ever completely safe?

Regardless, after this experience, I realized that I might actually be down to try it. What I feel I could now expect, should the technology ever be developed and proven ‘safe’ (less dangerous than getting into a car and crossing town?), is that an additional internal personality would manifest itself in the form of coach, teacher, trainer, etc. In other words, for someone who wants to learn a new hands-on skill and/or improve on one, it would just be a simple matter of turning on a pre-selected ‘voice’ in your head (probably downloaded from a reviewed and rated repository), only you feel what they feel, you understand exactly what they’re trying to convey.

Essentially, if you want a demonstration, you simply tap into the appropriate bank of compiled experience (could have a name, a personality modelled after someone in particular, whatever) understand a set of directly-relayed instructions (should feel natural if you adopt enough of the alter), and then, simply, do.

Also, the free version should be the only version. Open source that shit.

Levels of Separation

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Under the right state of mind, or way of looking and thinking about things, sometimes I find it difficult to enjoy certain games. A number of diverting past-times are particularly well designed, capable of creating an immersive experience that, even if just for a brief moment, leave the one experiencing them unable to differentiate between their obvious fictional basis and their potential real world basis.

Case in point (and this is going back a little while now), but when Halo 4 was first released, I did a marathon run through. It took me awhile ’cause I like deliberating, taking my time, checking over everything, and basically just wasting time. No big deal, usually, except that this was one of the first video game titles that I played from beginning to end while high.

For the record, I enjoy a little weed from time to time. Mind you, I’m a ridiculously easy bake, and I can easily make $10 worth last me an entire month. I know tonnes of people who can’t even make that much last them half a day. So.

I don’t need much, and since I use so little, I develop almost no tolerance over time whatsoever. This helps keep it affordable. Usually, when I’m out, I’m out and it’s no big deal. Life goes on. I manage. However, I enjoy having some on hand for specific uses. I find that it really does help lubricate the cognitive machinery, and allows me to think of things with greater depth, or from unusual angles, or whatever. I’m not really sure what exactly it does do, but the TL;DR version is that it really helps me out in the creativity department.

We’ve all heard that before one time or another.

As much as I know from first hand experience the truth of that, there are instances of pot use which have other, unintended effects, such as while gaming. It helps me achieve a heightened degree of focus. Textures seem more vivid. Progression seems slower, allowing me time to take more details in as I go along. Events that happen in game seem more believable. Encounters with enemies seem much less like targets presenting themselves on a screen (to which I respond by pushing buttons in order to dispatch) and more like legitimate contact with some sort of supposedly hostile alien life form.

And of course they’re hostile! Don’t you seeing them firing at you? A voice of reason in my head might insist, if there were voices in my head. Testing that hypothesis is silly. I’ve played countless FPS titles before, not the least of which were prior titles in the same bloody Halo series. I know when the game is presenting me enemies and when it is presenting me with friendlies (or, more rarely neutrals).

As a gamer, my instincts are automatic. There is absolutely no moral imperative to question what it is that I do in the name of fun. If ever I found myself in doubt, all I would have to do is fail to return fire in response to being fired upon. The character that I play, the iconic Master Chief, drops in defeat. Dead. I restart from a previous check point, losing progress made.

Sounds awful! How dare those moving polygonal meshes execute scripts which generate coded beams of colour which just so happen to inconvenience my ability to get from various, vaguely similar A-to-B points in a rapid fashion! THEY MUST ALL BE DESTROYED!!!

And, because I’m just a gamer playing a completely fictional character in a completely fictional, computer-generated universe, pitted again completely non-sentient, computer-controlled AI, why on Earth shouldn’t I just enjoy the strongly implied acts of violence I’m evidently encouraged to carry out?

You see how describing it with alternative language sheds a different light on what a gaming experience can sometimes feel like? At almost no time do I ever question my actions playing First Person Shooters while not baked (I’d say ‘sober’, but it seems that alcohol only emphasizes the ‘okay-ness’ of simulated violence, so…). However, while baked, I find myself questioning everything.

The fact of the matter is that I have almost no understanding of what I’m really doing. I believe there are companies which hire artists (something I want to be!), programmers, designers, creative directors, and tonnes and tonnes more besides who spend ridiculous hours and funding to put a game together for the eventual enjoyment of gamers.

I don’t write code. I wouldn’t be able to interpret a block of C++ to save my life. And with the rate that technology is advancing (careening steadily closer and closer to Turing-approved AI), how do I know that I’m not actually playing a role in the deliberate destruction of a variety of under-credited artificial life forms, hmm? It wouldn’t be a stretch to attribute the tag ‘alien’ to such life forms, would it?

That’ll be a blog for another day.

For now, the point is to provide a basic commentary on what makes a game a game. If a game turned out to be a real and truly violent activity on some poorly-understood (likely informational) level, then I, among countless other well meaning gamers, would be guilty of cold-coded murder on multiple counts. If, however, a game is just a game, well then… Have fun! As for me, the lesson I think I’ve learned is to really limit how often I play games baked in order to still be able to enjoy them as they were intended to be. Otherwise, the layers of separation feel like they become stripped away, the experience becomes uncomfortably raw, and the immersion at times feels all too real.

Never Satisfied

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Sometimes, I hate being a perfectionist. Nothing I do is ever good enough, but I’m always under my own pressure to get things done regardless because I know that if I don’t keep that pressure on, my tendency to start projects but never finish them would take over.

However, when I do complete something (such as uploading a new song to my youtube channel), and I come back to it months or even years later, I see what I created and I usually cringe. I see the heart and the effort, but I also see how under developed that effort was.

At the time, it was alright. Good enough to put ‘out there’ as is and even feel somewhat proud of it, at any rate. Looking back, however, I struggle with mixed feelings. I think I’m wrong to feel any degree of shame in what I’ve done and shared from the heart, but I almost can’t help it. It’s all just so… bad. Like, honestly, awful.

This cuts into my ability to be productive and to progress. I have a tendency to revisit past projects and give them face lifts. Yes, I often see appreciable differences being made. I tend to feel grateful that I took the time to improve upon various existing somethings in my personal portfolio of creative somethings.

And that’s all well and good, but if you compare my overall creative output in recent years versus what I was able to accomplish roughly about a decade ago, I’ve clearly fallen into a slump. I’m not sure what I’d prefer right now: Messy proliferousness, or rare bursts of high-quality productions.

They say quality is better than quantity, but frankly, at this point in my life, I’m seriously beginning to favour the opposite. What do?

Counter Intel

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“I have the gun. I make the ‘pew pew’ noises!”

Gotta love a little Hollywood embellishment once in awhile. But sometimes, the truth might be a little scarier than we’re seriously willing to accept. I’ve been on, off, and on either side of the fence when it comes to various activist issues, truth movements and conspiracy theories so many times that I’m guilty of being a blatantly self-denying, genuinely/falsely-enlightened, band-wagoning truther/sheople poster child if ever there was one, depending on your perspective, more times than I care to admit.

What I feel I have is an open mind. What I’m not sure I have is a proper gauge for what is actually factual information, and what is well-designed propaganda. What I want to briefly discuss, while I still have the drive to do so, is the matter of Fukushima. More specifically, the media’s handling of information coming out of Fukushima.

There are dozens upon dozens of self-proclaimed independent news outlets one can readily stumble upon all over the interwebs which claim to have information which is being spun and twisted — at best — or even withheld and straight up omitted — at worst — from public reports presented by just about every major mass media network out there. The mantra is the same everywhere you look: mass media is all controlled by interest groups pursuing agendas with zero obligation to actually provide the public with credible, factual information of genuine concern to them. They exist purely for the perpetuation of… whatever it is that they’re supposedly perpetuating.

I’m not explicitly stating my thoughts on “who’s right” one way or another here. Not that I don’t have my opinions, it’s just that, as far as I’m concerned, the issue is far bigger than a simple black and white breakdown analysis could ever accurately describe. What I will say is that there is definitely something going on. One way to see it for yourself is to simply do a google search for the term “Fukushima News”, and specify search hits from only within the past 30 days. Scroll down and peruse the first 3 or 4 pages. Take note of the number of well-recognized, traditional news networks sites you see providing any relevant reports. Scan a few of them. Note the general tone of the topics covered.

Now, contrast that with almost any reports pertaining to Fukushima in the last 30 days presented by sources you might consider to be less-traditional. Maybe they claim to be independent. Maybe they claim to be truth-seeking. Maybe you just haven’t heard of the given sites in question. Whatever the case, scan over just about any Fukushima-related report from the past 30 days they have provided an abundance of, and again notice general tone of the topics covered.

Specifically, notice the COMPLETE LACK of any comparison whatsoever.

I have nothing further to say. I’m still trying to get a sense of what I, personally, make of this severe discrepancy. I would, however, like to open the topic up for discussion. I’m not interested in opinionated rants, but if anyone else has been noticing this trend and has some well thought out, well, thoughts on the matter that they’d be willing to share, I’d like to hear them.

Artist in the Ambulance

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Copyright by Thrice, 2003, covered by Jaehoo.

Hey guys! I got to use my roommates’ underwater camera for non-underwater video recording, and this is what happened (sorry). I uploaded this to Youtube just now, but figured I’d share it with the blogging community as well.

Just to restate, I go by Jaehoo for my musical pursuits, and as Eccoweaver for most other things, including work on the still-very-much-a-work-in-progress literary/multi-media project called Elyen, for which this blog exists to help establish.

Just to cover my butt, I do not own the copyrights to this song, just covering it for fun. If you enjoy the video, please feel free to subscribe to my youtube channel here, but if you haven’t done so already, please also check out the original artist’s website and like all of their awesome stuff here as well. Cheers!