In all honesty, I was just in a weird mood when I decided I wanted to write this entry the other night. Then, I got sitting on it, distracted by other things. Now, it’s so far removed from the original motivation that I’m not sure what to say here. I owe it to myself to say something regardless. I need to keep the writing practice up, after all.

I suppose I can still reflect on what started this: the movie Detachment. If you’ve never seen it, I don’t recommend it if you’re easily depressed. For anyone who’s seen and/or perhaps maybe even enjoy the movie Requiem for a Dream, this might just be right up your alley. Either way, it’s a slow and dreary showcase of what I take to be the failing of the modern public education system in certain parts of the States.

At least, that’s the backdrop.

The more significant message I got out of it was how different degrees of emotional investment result in differing levels of emotional burning out in a place where the overall surrounding culture fails to support itself (sucks and drains rather than contributes). The main character became the favourite teacher of many students who otherwise couldn’t give an ounce of respect for the other teachers. But he was only a sub. He wasn’t a permanent fixture.

I can relate to certain aspects portrayed by the main character (who’s name I can’t remember. Huh… Well, it’s not like this is a right proper review anyways), but I’m not sure they’re really the best traits to relate to. Detachment, as far as I was able to tell, was mostly about exactly what it says.

‘Detachment’, from the root word ‘detached’: “impartial or objective; disinterested; unbiased: a detached judgment.”

Words that freely associate with ‘detachment’ in my mind include ‘stoic’, ‘indifference’, ‘apathetic’, ‘controlled’, ‘sociopathic’ (minus the criminal/dangerous elements), and even ‘ataraxia’.

I like ‘ataraxia’ in particular: “a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquillity.” Not that the movie Detachment really showcases much of any of that, but still…

Actually, come to think of it, it exhibits a whole lot of the exact opposite of ataraxia in that sense. Even the main character, the good teacher who breaks down the walls preventing his students from learning some hard-hitting truths about life is constantly shown reflecting back on an earlier childhood trauma. He is not free of his own demons and torments, but still, somehow, more so than almost everyone else, he seems to be able to keep it together.

How? Why?

How is it that he can be just as messed up as everyone else but still make a massive, positive difference while even still never investing himself 110% into what he’s doing?

It’s almost like the world’s inability to hurt him any more is what gives him strength. His mind may not be one filled with bliss and happiness, but he knows how to separate his problems from what he’s prepared to give to, share with and do for others. Most of the time, he’s just doing the bare minimum of what’s expected of him. Not in a laziness sense, but it’s clear that he doesn’t volunteer at soup kitchens or community centres or charities, etc. which one might expect from a more heroic ‘real person’ protagonist. He mostly just does what’s expected and little else.

But, for what it’s worth, he does it well.

Then, situations come along, ones where there’s an opportunity to help in some way that goes just that little bit above and beyond. Those same situations are also ones where he has every right in the world to simply do nothing, turn around and walk away. And sometimes, he does. But if this movie had any redeeming quality, it was that as awful as many of the other circumstances going on around him and the other students and teachers were, and as much as he may have been entitled to shelter himself from that kind of harshness that reality can serve up all too often, he doesn’t always.

His efforts for standing up, sticking his head out and trying to do the right thing in those few crucial situations are rewarded in mixed ways. Some efforts wind up biting him very hard in the ass. Others create meaningful situations which bring an immensely greater good out of the darkness that existed before. That, to me, is a realistic portrayal of life.

It also tells me that, for the ways in which I feel I can relate, I’m not beyond hope. I can still make a positive difference, even if I can’t engage with every situation that requires someone to care. I’d go mad if I tried to fill the needs of as many others out there as there appears to be on my limited reserves of practical, hands-on compassion. I’m more suited to be an enabler for those with greater compassion than I have. Still, I have much learning and growing to do.

Either way, it’s true that if enough people come together and contribute whatever little bits they can towards a greater good, miracles can happen. However, sometimes, it’s just really, really nice to see a life completely transformed for the better by more personal and individual acts of kindness as well. Sometimes, those of us who want to make a positive mark on this world need to see, with our own eyes, the fruits of our efforts. It helps keep a fire of hope alive that this world really can be made into an even better place for all of us.